My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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