no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
