adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I touched a dick in church today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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