I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
