I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, beer. Big fan.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
