just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
