I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
