I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
