Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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