Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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