By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
