I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
