I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
