He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
