guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
