ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
