Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
