i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
