does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize