I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
