i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
