i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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