Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
