Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
