OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
