Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
