Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
