His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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