My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
