there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
