just tell him i said nine months
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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