Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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