Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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