I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
