So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
