Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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