It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Pooping to opera.
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