Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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