You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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