You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
