i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize