Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
