Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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