My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can Purell be used as lube?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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