Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
