If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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