Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
