i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
