watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
40s are totally the cure
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
