Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
