That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
