i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
