I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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