I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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