all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
