yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
