Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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