a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
