Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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