He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
