im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
