Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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