I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
