Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
