Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
