She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
