Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
